Tuesday, September 30
Why do I feel so tired lately, it's not like I have done anything special.
I just feel tired.
On top of being tired, I feel restless.
Kind of went back to the days where I just feel like sleeping whole day through, without feeling unwell.
Maybe it's the endless rain, but sunshines always comes after rain, do they?
Monday, September 29
I am bored, so lets play.
Guess which brand of milk does this cow lives in.
Sunday, September 28
When things happen, good or bad, happy or unhappy, lucky or not.
Things just happen.
Sometimes it looks like a land of mines.
Sometimes it looks like a shit hole.
Sometimes it looks very green and fresh.
Sometimes it looks flowery and beautiful.
Sometimes it looks gory and stomach turning.
Sometimes it looks painful and ironic.
Sometimes it looks pleasant and relaxing.
Sometimes it looks spicy and interesting.
Sometimes it looks like a pool of pearls.
Sometimes it looks like a soft eternal bed.
In the end, everything just happens when they do.
It Is Life, and it is nothing extra ordinary.
If it happens to you, it happens to 93242948753847108375238475 other people.
It is just a matter of how much of you are affected when it happens.
Don’t get offended by this post if you are.
I feel stale today, thus the stale post.
Why.
If I say it’s because it’s close to my heart, it’s gonna sound like the typical lameliness.
I will tell you why.
Whatever matters to you might not matter to me.
Whatever matters to me might not mean anything to you too.
I sometimes have this habit of clenching my fist and pressing it against my chest when I am terrified or worried about anything.
Now when I do that, I have something to hold on to, I actually do.
(before this necky I also hold on to my other necky and bite them when I stress or what la, but this one different mar, plus I probably won’t bite it, unless subconsciously. Luckily I have this auto necky biting resistant switch so I won do it in public la, so I think I haven’t really do it in public before…)
*so now everyone knows to stay away from my necklaces*
If it doesn’t sounds like anything special to you, it’s good. Coz it is something special to me, and not necessary everybody else, that’s why it’s uniquely me.
If you want to hear the other reason.
Rings are kind of tin tei.
Which reason you want to believe? Lol or both.
One ring is enough, that traditional wedding band.
Friday, September 26
It was a shocking experience, in a good way. I would call it a shoprise.
It was moo’s 23rd birthday. He did a chalet thingy which I find rather exaggerating for just a birthday. I mean who on earth at this age celebrate their birthday like this unless they are some rich, don’t know where to spend their money on type of fella.
They ordered a 30 person buffet thingy, which I thought was quite costly, and the location they chose for chalet cost a bomb. At least not something we could afford in a blink of an eye.
I know about the chalet a while before the day itself, and I nagged at him almost every night for spending so much, just for a birthday.
It was suppose to be a 3 days 2 night chalet initially, but it turned out to be a 2 days one night because of some changes. He didn’t tell me about it, and I got into trouble at work although most probably not because of that few extra hours off. But I blame him anyway for not telling me earlier, because I got blamed for something which I don’t think I did wrong, and I need someone else to pass the pissed off mode to. It was that unlucky moo.
On top of that, I did the everyday nagging, since he complained almost every night that he is broke and such. Yet he still ‘generously’ spent so much money on holidays and birthday, he is contradicting himself and it irritates the hell out of me.
The birthday chalet was filled with people I don’t know, well at least 50% of them, and moo was all around talking to so many people, forgetting to introduce anyone to me other than three of them.
I felt weird because of the number of foreign faces and I thought moo was just enjoying himself in his birthday, so I continued playing with my dear godson and enjoying myself while half helping out too.
It was late and he haven’t start his cake cutting ceremony and I took the initiative to ask if he needs me to help him prepare the cake. He was busy talking to people , sweating like the 1st time I met him in cineleisure and looking frantic, it look like he did more than he could handle to celebrate a birthday. I kind of pitied him coz, so much for a birthday, all he did was entertain and sweat.
I prepared the cake and candles, and somehow everyone was summoned back into the chalet for the traditional birthday singing and cake cutting. I became lost during the time when I was suppose to get the singing started, I failed, I felt damn awkward facing so many people I didn’t know, and I was in the center with moo, and I panic. Stage fright will be a simpler word for it. Same reason why I didn’t want to be the mcee of Viki’s wedding.
I tongue tied and luckily one of his cheekier buddy maybe somehow noticed and got me out of the situation by taking the lead.
After the singing and making his wish (god knows what, I haven’t ask him too) and blowing out the candles. That same cheeky friend of his took out the 2nd cake and say there was another cake, for me.
I thought it was his usual style of joke so I ignored and thought it was just another cake they bought extra without coordinating properly. Saying the cake is for me was just some usual lame excuse for his miscoordination. That was typical of him after all.
I thought wrong.
Another buddy of his moved me to the side of the table back facing the back door. I thought it was just to move me away from the center because moo was the main character after all. I just complied.
In a chor lor way, I used the cake cutting plastic knife to cut the ribbon in a sawing way coz I can’t untie the knot. In front of 30 odd people which half I don’t know, I take off the cover of the box.
(The same time when one of his buddy went through the back door destroying spider webs on his way to pass him the 'magic items' in order to shun my view)
There was a big forever friends cake, (which I thought was Winnie the pooh) and the creamed word ‘happy birthday’ ‘will you marry me’
Shoprise was what I felt. I honestly think the shock numbs a huge part of the surprise and my stage fright didn’t help.
My mind flew off.
My leg turned soft.
I moved a few step backwards, almost trip over a chair.
Someone held on to my arms and moved the chair away. ( I don’t know who, too shocked to notice )
Someone took the box cover from me. ( I don’t know who, too shocked to notice )
Next thing I saw was moo holding a box of rose with a tiara like hair clip decorated, but the main thing was the shiny little twinkling thing in the middle of it all.
Knelt down, and smiled to me.
I didn’t dare look up to anyone, I know everyone was looking.
I didn’t manage to come out with a yes.
My mouth, my hands and legs were numb.
My mind was numb as well.
Everyone was asking for my answer
The answer was just ringing loudly in my mind. YES.
But I said “ but he haven’t asked!!” ( I meant verbally )
Background sound “the cake means ask liao mar”
I nodded my head quietly and slightly.
Moo being the gundu he always was, stood up from the kneeling position before the ‘yes’ came out of my mouth. He was a kan chiong gundu. From what I heard, when I was preparing the cake he was looking like an ant on frying pan already, so I bet he already lost his mind from all the courage gathering for the kneel.
Despite the gunduness, I am as lost myself, thus not noticing the flaw.
He help me put on the necky, and forgot to pull my hair out of the necky, it looked like he was trying to choke me with my hair extension and I look like a tighten eggplant or something.
I was shivering, I didn’t dare look at eye level the whole time, looking at the floor.
I quickly proceed to cut the cake after moo kill off the mood for teasing time.
My hands were shivering, very obviously, and I did the worst cake cutting job ever.
Everyone slowly spread out and went back outside.
It took a while before the numbness goes away and the shivering stays, the impact all came together at me.
Surprise, guilty, touched, lost, still very much in shock.
I owned up to his buddies that during the nights where he had been out planning this whole thing with his buddies, I thought he were out having fun and spending lots of $ and coming back to complain that he is broke.
At one point I nearly cried and my tone changed, but being the way I always am, I manage to hold back the gulping gush of air and tears. Went back to my normal tone of speech, the non crying, acting normal type. I felt so guilty…
When I was forbidden to go to the chalet early, I thought it was just because of me already nagging so much at moo, so he didn’t want me to help him to the decorations coz he thought I would complain, when he insist I shouldn’t go although I offered to help, I thought it’s just another cow stubbornness of him.
Pam did guessed that it might be a proposal, but really, his bank didn’t have any changes last I saw, I have his atm card with me which I use to withdraw money when I don’t have enough cash at my work place. I would have known if there was a big change. If a proposal needs an expensive ring, then it is surely not a proposal. What I didn’t know was his buddies bank account which he sought help from to prevent me from finding out.
Viki did a great job hiding it from me this time, coz usually, I would have gotten a tiny bit of hint that something is up and prepare for it. She didn’t give me that kind of chance this time. She was just waiting to see my million dollars face.
Moo himself, although he didn’t do a good job hiding, I misunderstood his intention anyway, so I didn’t find out.
The few days when he was being nag at me, he told me I would enjoy the chalet too.
I just casually thought he must have somehow mistook some behavior of mine as party craving or some sort and I couldn’t care less. When he said I would enjoy, I just replied “ya la ya la… enjoy ur head. So expensive, u crazy one u, one birthday nia, my grand-est birthday wasn’t half as grand.”
Very sarcastically.
Now, very guilty, happy, but can’t help to worry about more things to come. Good and bad.
I know the good will be there if I manage to cross the bad, but will I ever cross over?
Monday, September 22
I am super duper pissed off today, the ultimate shitty shit shit pissed off.
Recently there is a new guy who applied for a full time job. And of coz, new fellas are always without fail, for me to look after.
Especially this one because he is gonna work with me in the shop since my boss started his 2nd outlet in another place.
From reviews from my younger cousin when she sees him in his interview with my uncle, he seemed to be the honest type.
From his resume, he changes job every single year, all along doing retail line, and was a manager before. His retail job was quite diverse like my past resume, but since he is much older, he got much much much more experience than me in retail, from electronics to fashion to food and beverage to many others.
I kept my opinion to myself when I saw him, thinking maybe I am being cynical but he doesn’t seems like an honest type, or to be more exact, he seemed like someone who is trying hard to look simple, honest, and hardworking to top it off.
After the busy event, it went back to our normal retail working life.
The 1st 2 days working with him, made me realize he remembers what I said. With him remembering his duties and the shop’s cleaning routine, I thought I could concentrate on what I have to do.
I was instructed by my boss to make him read some materials so he can learn too, and I did, and he did read some, but probably didn’t put any heart into it. After realizing he wasn’t that interested in boring text about wines. He continues his other usual job, serving customers, and asking me about wines. I can understand that even if someone is interested in wines, book may bore him to death. So I didn’t mind the fact that he kept asking me things, and I happy teach/tell him what he is curious about, or act curious about.
Plus when I ask him to do simple jobs, he asked me how to proceed, although completely amazed by his inability to think, I made extra effort to simplify every single thing by explaining everything I can bit by bit and parts by parts. I felt super guilty because it suddenly hit me that he might be a bit down on his mental that’s why the frequent job change and as willing as he is, he might not be up to his previous jobs etc. I felt guilty because I was supposed to be the cynical person in the first place although not openly known, I thought he look like the asshole type who act innocent. I was completely prepared to make up for my pessimistic wrongful impression of him by being super patient with him.
After that 1st 2 days, I realize, although he does his job on time, he didn’t do it well.
On the 3rd day, after he complete his shift, I take a look around and look at the outcome of things he did.
It confuses me a lot, coz I remember seeing him do his job, but how come it look like nothing was done. I had to re do it anyway coz I didn’t like the way it is.
The 4th day was his off day.
The 5th and 6th day ,
I made him do another job, it was considered half a job since I continued the next half, but during my 2nd half of the job, I realize again, it look like he haven’t do anything at all, but I know I saw he did.
Confuses me totally.
On the 7th day
During the second day of his official time in the shop, I told him I had something on this week, I will put my usual weekly off on Wednesday, and I will take a few hours off a day before and a day after, thus not affecting his working hours at all. I asked him if it was alright, he said yes. I asked if he could cope, he said yes. I ask if he can do all this and this, he said yes too.
I added one more job for him, and again, I simplify it as much as I can. It’s not that hard of a job, as nothing is new, and he had done it once before in his life in this shop. And I even draft out a list of things steps by steps for him coz I didn’t want to totally rule out that last 1% of possibility that he is indeed a little down on his mental. I also let him know that he can call me anytime if there is any doubts in anything at all. My phone will be with me all the time.
He said ok.
That day I was quite satisfied, coz a chalet (although forced to go type) I was happy that I could take a break although still worrying about the shop, I don’t mind a little time to relax.
That day,
I finish what I had to do, and I was casually looking at him doing his job out of curiosity, wondering how he could complete a job three times faster than me.
The sight rendered me complete speechlessness.
He is as good as cutting all his job into 4 parts and complete only a part of it to make it look like he finish everything. Sure he touched a part of everything, but nothing was really completed.
Would anyone whose mental was a bit low be that clever?
I was pissed, but being the nice person I always am, *ahem* I tell him nicely, without raised voiced and without a hint of temper, I told him that he should do this job this and that way.
The reason why I was pissed was because, this is the 3434513412365677th time I realize that I should have trusted my own instinct or 6th sense or whatever you want to call it.
So I was right about him being a smarter lazy ass. But guess what, this is not the reason why this post is even up today.
The 8th magical day, his off day, today.
The shocking thing is, maybe not so shocking if you put all the pieces together la, but the pissing piss piss part is
HE QUIT!
Right before the day the chalet starts.
I didn’t receive the news from him. I receive the news from my boss who came down from his outlet to pass me something.
I was shock, yes.
Asked the reason why, it seems the lazy ass said something about having nothing to learn.
HE CHOSE NOT TO READ!!!!!! I didn’t say that out loud la, but still.
And I proceed to tell my boss about the few hours off a day before and after my off day because I have something on.
I got blamed for scaring that fragile little 38 years old once a manager guy away.
Reason of it being my fault, because I took a few hours off a day before and after my routine off day. which means leaving him alone in the shop for say like about an extra of 10 hours or lesser, more than what it should have been.
AND HE RAN!!! QUIT!!! RIGHT IN MY FACE!!!! BECAUSE OF THIS????
Pissed off about 2 things if u notice!
-About an asshole being an asshole acting like a non-asshole but is indeed a freaking lazy asshole.
-About my boss hiring someone although his resume is off the norms he chose to trust his petty little assumptions and blaming me because that off the norm person has predictably quit. Just didn’t expect it to be so soon.
After telling my boss that I did do my job in letting him learn things and such, so the reason about him not learning anything is a bit odd. ( meaning behind it = he freaking don’t want to learn himself it’s his choice what. What cannot learn anything, more like don’t want to ) and I did tell him on what he should do when I am not around, and it’s not hard.
He just say casually “oh, maybe he has a problem too”
He acknowledge that he MAY have a problem.
He left some instructions to me and went off.
I was there thinking, yeah, maybe when I know that the guy is a non-tard but act tard. I shouldn’t have left him alone that 8 hours extra.
So I sms-ed my boss and said,
I am sorry if I really did scare him off.
He replied
No worries, ( good ) hope you grow from this too ( neutral )
Coz I was thinking, sure, grow, grow to learn that there are actually asshole near me.
Nearer than I thought it would affect me.
So next time I meet another of such asshole, like my boss mentioned halfway during the ‘he quit’ conversation.
Translated by me as
That I should have tried standing in his position, that he is a fragile little 38 years old once a manager man, not knowing what to do in retail line although he has been working in retail line all his freaking life since the year my younger brother was born. That I should not leave such a fragile clueless guy alone for too long, because he will be so very lost despite his 22 years of experience.
This is my pissed off number 3 for the day.
Just imagine if I really have to do that the next time another similar type cheated my boss into hiring him.
The ironic part is, I really love this job, I love working in a wine shop.
Although it is a family business, frankly, I can’t get off days as easy as a normal job, precisely because it is family business and there are obligations, and I do know that they probably hire me base on blood relations instead of my abilities, but then again, if they could hire someone like him, why not me.
Anyway, I guess all job has shitty shits like that, and no one is an exception. And although no one is an exception, I want to complain about it coz it ruins my mood totally, especially right before a so called relaxing birthday celebration chalet. The feeling of ‘looking forward to it’ mood, that I hardly managed to pick up after some effort, went down the drain just like that, STRAIGHT down.
Talk about loving the job. Not long after I started this job, way back. My boss asked, what was the main reason that made me chose to work here. ( wine shop)
In my mind, thoughts were flying. I was really quite interested in wines, alcoholic drinks etc. but the top of top most apparent reason was of coz, money.
Who don’t need money to survive.
So I decided to not wear the superficial ‘because I love wine very much’ type of face and tell him one word,
“money”
You can imagine all the “I believe that ………….. yada yada” talk I got after that.
Apparently like any other aw so inspiring type of guy, he believes in working for interest not for money.
So inspiring it almost brought me to tears. Because it sounds like the type of thing that everyone knows everyone wants to hear thus saying it repeatedly without shame although they don’t mean it.
For my boss case, he might mean it, but at the same time knowing he can only do so because he got a rich daddy who would not hesitate to pay for his expenses even though he is at such age. He knows it, that’s why he can give that inspiring speech of boringness and expect me to comply.
I felt like telling him, ‘like that, don’t take salary la, all give me, I need it more than you.’
But knowing what kind of typically aw inspiring, only want to hear the politically correct answer type of guy he is, I gave him what he want, like I always do, until now.
And here, I end my long long ranting post. Thank you for bearing with me until now. I am off to preparing for tomorrows instruction for my ex-part timer, a 16 years old girl who will not run off because she will be left alone for a mere few hours a day.
Monday, September 8
The newest thing moo has done is to dye his hair.
An uncle who work with him occasionally saw his hair, and said
“wah, you dyed your hair, now you look much younger~~~”
Moo smiled happily as the uncle continued
“you used to look like 30 over years old, now you look like twenty eight only~, not bad.”
Moo watches him hop into his car and drive off feeling stabbed because the uncle wasn’t trying to tease him at all.
Saturday, September 6
Vampire Diaries (pc game)
Released in Year 1996
http://www.nightworld.net/forbiddengame/tvdgame/
Considered as rare game now, been looking for it for, years (once a while interval) but found none.
Anyone have any clue on how to get my hands on this. Please let me know.
