Walking With Us

Sunday, April 29

a tiring day indeed... lacking of sleep last night.. actually i skipped it la.. i reach my work place at 8 15 am, 15 mins earlier then required time. but i didn't see anyone there not even the booth which should be there waiting for me.. i was sure i was at the right place but started to doubt my sense of direction again.. i called the person in charge to find out i was indeed at the right place.. just maybe a lil too hardworking reaching there before anything even starts, finally when the person arrive to prepare to booth, they shoo me off for breakfast and i came back 20 mins later and see everyone there..

worked for the whole day... 11 hours ho ho ho, but got to know my working partners better in a way.. and had to go home and refresh myself and go find my moo at his work place..

while waiting for bus, there is a mother and girl waiting for the same bus as me.. the girl scolded the bus 131 when it arrive the 2nd time yet not seeing 147. she saw an ambulance and told her mum that there are a lot of people whose life is in danger lately.. the innocence of this lil girl touched me a lil..at the same time enjoying her cute singing of.. "lao shu ai da mi" song.. i was amuse by her lil actions.. and it didn't bore me one min while waiting for the bus.. although i have to say i was really really tired....

waited for moo for 45 mins before he off work.. i had a sudden urge to drink ice teh chino.. kinda pulled him along..

it was a really long day mainly because i skipped a night of sleep.. but although long and tiring, i still had fun. the only thing two bad thing that happen is....

i didn't remember where i left my sports shoe at.. melbourne or indo.. where ever it is, its not in singapore. so i had to borrow my cousin's unwanted secondary school shoe for work. oh hell, her foot was about 2 size bigger then mine, so i stuffed 2 piece of tissue at the tip of each shoe.. but half way during the day. the tissue just move around all over inside the shoe, underneath , right and left side.. its so uncomfortable. not to mention the wrong size of shoes made my healing nail feel the stupid big toe pain again.. at during our late night dinner at prata shop. my sweet sweet moo decided to give me a kick in the big toe totally in the direction that will definitely peel my nail off my toe.. and now they're half separated again.. it did give me 10 mins of bad mood.. so tomorrow i've decided to get a proper sports shoe and make sure it doesn't affect my nail's recovery ... oh god.. when can it recover..

almost three thirty am now and i couldn't get to sleep. have to wake up tml at 7 am for work.. oh gosh.. the best thing that can happen to me of all time... insomnia .its not like i woke up really late or slept too much. just couldn't get to sleep at night, didn't know y. i got it easy when i was still in melbourne. pop one sleeping pill from pharmacy and off to sleep.. it doesn't seems like i am able to get it in singapore other then from doctors.. drinking a packet of tie guan ying tea from yeo's. and having a right brain ache.. i donno wad the right and left brain ache is all about but i get it once a while.. it makes me wan to look at things sideway..

its raining now so i bet i am gonna have a cooling morning to start of with.. and with this lack of sleep accompanying me, i doubt i gonna have an energetic day later.. and the stupid thunder just wakes me up even more.. can see a tiring day lies ahead..

but luckily this work don't gives me stress or whatsoever.. this is good, i guess i just have to smoke my day off tml.. thats the only thing that can relieve lack of sleep. another thing is.. snacks.. but i doubt i can do that during work.. not to mention a sure gain of weight after that.. i am already at my peak.. didn't really wan to go further.. *sobs*... fats fats fats...

from tuesday onwards i will be working the same shift as moo.. that means we could have dinner together during work hour.. probably.. maybe i should try buying two lunch boxes and cook for him.. i bet that will make him happy. lets hope i have the mood to cook for him. if not too bad.. if i could find a cute lunch box to use, i might just have the mood.. u know those square round or oval shape lunch box with small compartments.. so i can put a lil side dish with it. hhmm...

looking forward to it, and off to give moo a call now since i can't sleep, might as well disturb him as well. we can all go work with panda eyes tml. not the same location, but i can imagine him with panda eyes working till 10 pm or so.. hohohohoho

Saturday, April 28

i once heard of a saying, a saying which goes something like-

bad traits are something that is inborn, something that u can't do without, a lot of bad traits are things which you need to survive in this world. its just like a basic instinct that every human or animal have in them. and good traits are the one that is slowly build in you as u grow and learn how to live without the bad ones. i totally agree...

recently i've receive an email from a friend that haven't been in contact for a long time. it seems that people do change.. but when we watch them everyday, its hard to notice how much they change. the friend of mine is in a situation where her courage is lost, facing many many slopes of life. thinking thats the way that she should live all the time, but slowly doubting her own decisions because of the limitations she is facing..

can't help but think, although the facts and events of our life might be different. but don't a lot of people out there come down to feeling this way too? a feeling that ur courage, which have been building up in u day after day and years after years.. can tumble down by a series of bad incidents that happen in one shot.. or maybe tumble down by long tiring effort to hold yourself together from a long never ending unsatisfying routine.

i can't say i have a definite answer to these kind of helpless feelings. and although i haven't really overcome everything in life just with courage alone. i must say we can't live our life without it. of coz i have no right to say "just have courage, and everything will be fine for u." i know that its not something that will come as soon as u need it. sometimes its not there.. especially when u need it to overcome a fall. but i wan to say....

its alright

even among my friends.. its not just me.. and its not just you.. people around me, i've seen them tumble down from falls and getting up again.. "courage is not the absence of fear" heard that before? i have known friend who would climb many many times from the same type of fall. its unbelievable that she is still standing right now but she is. each time she commit the same mistake and fall down again, although i might have predicted the outcome a lot of times, and call her actions stupid before, but i respect her never dieing believes. contradicting way, i have to say she is not that strong of a strong person at the same time. she is not someone that won break when a hammer is thrown on her, neither is her regaining power fast. but she never forgot the importance of building her own courage. sometimes i wonder where did she get all the energy from.. but i realised.. she didn't just pull out her energy for an unknowing force.

again and again, she make shocking decisions but move forward all the time, with doubt, with fear, with courage. and there is still no end to it. no one at such age like mine would say she will have a happy ending from now till forever. i am sure she know that life is not that easy, although not knowing what might be coming, still she have to face it. the limitations she had, she broke thru it. the pain she took, she somehow fill it up bit by bit, and i could say a lot more.. you had to see it to believe it. but seeing how a person go thru all these things take years, while it only take about an hour to type out all these things.

I am not trying to gloat over how hard other people's life might be or better ot worse then yours. but you chose your life to live.. have a courage to make decision.. but not a moment of brave rush. as it will turn ur life upside down before you notice. and even if inevitably you made a moment of brave decision and regretted it. live it still, as you can find a way somehow. thats how that friend of mine had lived.

I believe there is a way out of every bad events. but sometimes people are blinded by their own pain. or some chose to ignore even after seeing the way out because its not what they initially wanted. for that, i have to say. "you can't have the best of both world", treasure what you have.
I am not going to say its easy to treasure what you have. but don stop trying.

i am no saint either, i do feel like giving up sometimes, so this blog is just a reminder for me.. other then hoping that you will think things thru..
my friend, don give up on yourself =^.^=

PS : whoever person i've used as example, don mind i write about it hor, i read my own entry 2 extra times and made sure nothing personal is posted. hee hee. luv u .

Wednesday, April 25

btw, about the nightmare i previously had... its a bit stupid but its scary enough to send me off crying.

i dreamt of someone, a guy i know actually. he was holding this glass full of earthworms... YES earthworms!!! he got his accomplice to hold me onto the floor baring my tummy, and he pour the glass full of earthworms on my body.. i was trying to shout and scream all the way..

(well i am scared of all this crawly creepy things in rl too of coz..)

but my voice won come out no matter how much i shout and scream... its like the hollow sore throat voice that goes unheard.... it went on for a while..

i can feel all the earth worms crawling on my tummy.. on my legs.. hands... neck.. and i was just helplessly trying to scream for help.. all in tears and running nose.. but it was futile

i kept trying for a while but the instant i got my voice out of my mouth.. that very second... a special breed of earthworm... 5 of them lump together and form the shape of a hand jumped .. and grab my face

i woke up from the dream.. with tears... running nose.. and a shock of my life.. but apparently my moo seems to get a shock of his life too since i woke up screaming ... he had to tell me its just a dream its just a dream... well of coz i know its a dream.. but the horrified feeling just won go away so i can't stop crying for a while before i went back to sleep..

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Wednesday, April 4

Hold it everyone.. for the sapphiree is turning ruby soon.
I am reaching my limits ... soon enough..

Yes Moo has been my target in luv. At times he catches the roach for me. Always he wash the dishes for me. Of coz some other dating expenses that he might have spent. He throws the rubbish to the chute for me coz i didn't dare touch it too.

B U T

At the same time, this same person nags at almost everything i do. If i improve its not enough. Some other negative things which i don really wanna post up in a blog. and he react in a kiddy way towards a lot of things both emotionally and physically, and THIS is what is making me reach my limits.. letting emotions take over his behaviour in quite a self-centered manner. Almost like telling me,
"as long as i am sad, i must be the one who is right, i will hear your opinion, but its not gonna change the fact that i am right anyway"
He even have to just cancel the meeting up for collecting things tml, just because he don have the mood to.
can i have something i can kill now, like the undead monkey in pirates of the carribean? oh man i wish i can.
I am going to sleep with the anger in my tonight, and i better not have any nightmares, or i'm gonna boil....!!!

Tuesday, April 3

anyone up for a free dance trial session? wanna go with me mar? acompany me go la lai lai.. register here

http://www.classads.com.sg/classform.aspx?cat=
edu&itemid=8174&returnurl=http%3A//www.
classads.com.sg/ClassItem.aspx%3Fcat%3Dedu%26catmode
%3D0%26mode%3D9%26l%3D1%26CompID%3D18326%26
ItemID%3D8174%26ClassID%3D81

its an open house at somewhere around china town..

7 Apr Schedule:

12:30 - 1pm: Registration

1- 1.45pm: Sexy Exotic Dance

1.45 - 2.30pm: Bachata

2.30 - 3.15pm: Dance MTV Mix

3.15 - 4pm: Waltz

4 - 4.45pm: Street Hip Hop

4.45 - 5.30pm: Latin Cha Cha Cha

5.30 - 6.15pm: Street Jazz

8 Apr Schedule:

11.30 - 12.15pm: Registration

12.15 - 1pm: Latin Cardio

1 - 1.45pm: Body Exotic

1.45 - 2.30pm: Merengue

2.30 - 3.15pm: Jazz Fusion

3.15 - 4pm: Salsa

4 - 4.45pm: Tango

4.45 - 5.30pm: Latin Rumba

5.30 - 6.15pm: Hip Hop

hey hey... long time no blog hohoho

i've been eating a lot of things since i last blog, haha getting the weights =~~ but i could never have miss it since i saw it, went to crystal jade la mian at suntec, omg.. xiao long bao.. its xiaobao!!

long
one of my fav dian xin. memories ~~ when i was still in melbourne, my sis and our friend will go together to this chinese cafe kinda thing, order their xiao long bao. in the cold cold weather we like to slowly sark out the hot hot soup bit by bit from it, and its heaven. its the 1st time i ever ate a xiao long bao in singapore. i still luv it from the bottom of my heart..

the next dish is more like a dessert its dou sha guo bing or something.. this dark red paste thingy in pan dried outer layer skin.. i believe most of you will know what i am talking about after taking a look at... this..

seeing this 2 dish.. it just made me miss my friend in melbourne, of coz my sis too.. i miss the cold cold days where we all wear like penguin, and freeze when we come out of a certain cafe. and enjoy the warm meals like we never before..
aaawww the good ol food days...

but lately, i've been feeling a lil to the down side. as all of my fellow friends know. i am not studying now, neither do i have a job. i did apply for jobs and only got one single pathetic interview which i never even get listed and its not some skillful and professional job, its just a receptionist and i didn't get it.. it hit me big time in my head "JACINTH CAN'T DO A RECEPTIONIST'S JOB."

Well i've never tried applying for receptionist, this is my 1st time. and yeah , of coz i've face many rejections for jobs when i was younger, but thats about years ago when i was still young, "YOUNG" is the keywords.. when you're young, its ok if you can't do office job. i am 23 this year ~~~~~ can u feel my pain... yes yes that pain ~~

now thats not really affecting me anymore.. what affect me most most most is .... (pause, i go check my bacon)

ok i am back.. ok.. what affect my most most most is... u see, my elder sister is someone who have decided to start learning skills of real business by on field practice and is doing it now. my eld brother, i have no idea what he is doing but whatever he is doing it must be something that normal angelic people would think is good, - mark my word 'angelic'. As for my younger brother is in army, so what can he do. he didn't have a choice. even my moo who is a year younger then me have some technical skills he can use to find jobs. Not to mention my friends, who is either studying of have some jobs on hand. and when it comes to me - no usable cert no N or O levels, no solid skills or knowledge. the last good things i heard about myself is from my elder cousin from indo who said i have a heart, but come to think of it again. maybe bout 1 out of 10 people u randomly pick on street will have a good heart, or at least act like they do, so its so common that i am so insignificant.

The worst of all is that everyone seems to have a goal to live for.. me... i don know what i like and i don't know what i want and the best part is, i am lazy and not good with studies. i am sure of coz if i found something i like i would have given my all, that goes to anyone too, sadly i didn't even know what i like.or maybe i didn't like anything but i can't just rot my life away.. u might wanna luff ur ass off but i've even thought about social working.

Had a short 5 - 10 mins heart to heart talk with my moo yesterday night, i brought him out of my house in case i am in all tears and i definitely do not want anyone in my family to see that. Not only tears, in fact any emotions. That talk was good though, it doesn't really lift my mood but it eased me a lil.

i've decided. there is one thing that i have been wanting to do all these years.. not that many. just something i wanted to do since 3 years ago.. i wan to learn dancing.. it reminds me of my eld cousin from indo too, she too wants to learn dancing. but she didn't really have a chance to. now i have the free time to, and i thought i should. i check up some dancing schools lol.. those short lessons for adults etc.. its not expensive and quite easy to go.. just that i've never step into a studio since after my primary 1 ballet experience. its kinda scary to go to an unfamiliar place especially i don know what its really all about.. maybe i should drag someone to go with me.. anyone interested? there is a trial lesson for $10 ^^^ please please ~~~~ let me know if u wanna. there are plenty of different type of dance, here are some.

http://www.anjcreative.com.sg/dances.htm

on that page, just click on any of the type of dance, it should bring u to a page and explain what that particular type of dance is about. in general, but of coz u could search it off goggle for a better explanation.

for a sub interest, i am thinking of guitar..... =x anyway just let me know if anyone is interested ^.^