Feeling weird these 2 days… I didn’t do anything weird or out of line but I got a dry throat, sinus, etc… no sore throat or what though.. drowsy whole day because of the sinus… under the observation of my experienced it uncle. He deduced all these to be a part of withdrawal symptoms after I stop smoking, well for only three days now…

Anyway, haven’t been feeling good lately… The only things that can sort of satisfy me here and there now is food and food and food… That is a bad thing though, coz today, after seeing my photo a year ago.. both my uncle and my cousin were in shock… utter shockness… with question marks written all over their forehead.. wondering how on earth I changed so much…

Then again, it still didn’t stop me from eating a lot lately… part of it is probably food is used to replace my smoking… cutting down a lot to not smoking at all, really, I realized I’ve been eating lots and more… it’s a bit scary when I list the amount of things I eat per day. I didn’t feel the huge amount when I am eating though, just counting at the end of the day.. you know…

Here are some of the *ahem* delicious edibles I’ve been eating this few days.. just a fraction of it.

Since I realize that my blog has very, very little traffic, I think it’s pretty safe to say whatever follows,

Short little updates :

-My bad things-

Bad Number 1:

Eating way too much, gaining more and more weight… Can’t stop eating… munch and munch and munch, hungry eat, not hungry also eat. Ballooning way too much…

Bad Number 2:

My dad is still making me not attend my own brother’s wedding talking about all the disowning etc through sms. My position still stays the same though. Not close with my brother, but still my brother, I will want to be there when he gets married etc, not attending and forcing people not to is bullshit… but of coz, as usual, I didn’t reply. Why should I? There is 20% possibility of it being a hoax considering my dad’s primary characteristic. Due to some recent persuading, I’ve decided to just stick to that little not so hopeful hope despite all my anger of every other thing. If things goes well, I will be able to shop and shop and shop just coz I feel like spending his $ when I am not feeling good. because Chinese new year is coming anyway, or Christmas gift, or whatsoever, or my belated birthday present, or my birthday present since I was 14 or whatsoever reason is available. Well if things don’t go well, I will be living in some unknown place with strangers and probably become single sad and pathetic with no friends no money and no life.

Bad Number 3:

Not smoking for a while is quite a disaster, on top of eating out of whatever reasons I already have, I have been eating snacks and other things in place of smoking. Bad Number 1 and 3 combine is just not helping anything.

Bad Number 4:

The recent semi permanent – permanent sinus is killing every bit of me… feeling tired all day long even when working, but of coz I don’t exactly show my “tiredness” with all the makeup I use to cover it all up.

Bad Number 5:

Tomorrow is the 1^st year anni for me and moo, well yeah suppose to be good news, but I don’t really feel any romantic whatsoever in the air… whatever feeling that is supposed to be. Only overflowing tones of dark clouds in my imaginary mind space, I doubt moo has the ability to put a truthful smile on my face tomorrow at all.

Bad Number 6:

If Bad number 5 really happens, moo is gonna be so sad, upset, disappointed, whatsoever = not good too.

-My Wonders -

Wonders Number 1:

When will I get back the interest I lost in many things

Wonders Number 2:

Will I, my life, blood related whoever, whatever is around me ever really settle down and have peace?

Wonders Number 3:

When will I go back to my ‘a year ago’ figure?

Wonders Number 4:

When will my mind be at peace?

Wonder Number 5:

When will I finally be ‘cold’ enough if Number 2 don’t happen?

Wonder Number 6:

Will I ever get rich?

-My good things-

Good Number 1:

Tomorrow is my anniversary with moo.

Good Number 2:

I am seeing a diet doctor tomorrow.

Good Number 3:

At least this is the longest time I’ve cut down / stop smoking thus far, (probably breaking smoke-fast tomorrow though)

Good Number 4:

I love my current job

Good Number 5:

I’ve stop MMORPG, those addictive games…

Good Number 6:

I am still alive and kicking.