I think I am possessed.

No, seriously, I think I am. I went home today and hear some really bad things about what my dad is saying, not bad as in something bad happen to his eyes, he actually told me good news when I asked, but it was bad when after my whole day of standing job. I come home to find my dad talking about me behind my back, right in front of me to my elder brother. How sweet is that, oh my brother in front of me, and me in front of my brother? Can you believe that? I was so furious I went right straight into my room even though I did still care about him in the noon. I wash up and chatted a bit, and then after a while although I am still very, very angry about that. I decided to find an excuse to sit outside and watch the television with him. Oh there is my packet of fried rice on the table of the living room, that is the excuse. Ta dahs, took the packet of fried rice and sit in front of the TV and wait for him to do his old man talk. I don’t know what got into me, I don’t love that he does his ranting THAT way. Definitely not looking forward to it, but I decided that I should watch TV with my old man although I was, no, am still so angry with him. It is almost like an instinct.

After a while, a little bit here and there about his ranting, not exactly the usual stuff anymore, it’s just about wine alcoholic drinks this time. I can’t continue eating the fried rice which I didn’t plan to eat in the first place. I threw the left over and saw there is sour sop in the fridge. I decided to take it and help my digestion since I haven’t have real fruits for a long time. I took it all the way into my room and close the door and sat in my sofa, before eating the white piece of fruit, I just felt something wrong. The stupid instinct again, “go eat that sour sop in front of the person who bought it for you.” was my instinct. I went out again, eating the sour sop on the same couch when I ate my fried rice. And there, he went ranting about the news this time. He didn’t say anything nerve snapping, which was rather good. It amazingly felt quite good. I didn’t expect this, for once I appreciate that he shut up about certain things even though he still made weird comments about the news that made me thought he didn’t appreciate the goodness of people although he did make some point. But I still appreciate the non internal lashing he usually give me.

Then halfway while watching the news, and ranting about it, he finally hinted something I am really kinda touched. Through the sarcastic remarks about the news and the unable to appreciate goodness kind of attitude, he hinted that he loves us. When I came to realize it while I was watching scrub halfway, (wasn’t paying attention to scrubs coz I still felt weird about the ranting, something doesn’t seems right) I realize something quite weird, he hinted me before, just that the last time, he kind of put up a bad, bad firewall so his hint can’t shoot through my hard disk. Without the firewall today, his hint got through, and I am happy. I could almost forgive all his endless ranting about the usual things. Yeah I know, all the “which parents would want their child to be like blah blah, or which parents would bear to let their child blah blah” but this time, it’s not which parent or which child. It is my dad, hinting that he loves me.

I don’t know how long this happy feeling is going to last, probably tomorrow morning if he starts to give me the talk again before I goes to work or at night after I come back. But let’s enjoy what I am feeling now for a while ok? Shut up don’t laugh, and in silent thank you. Hhhmmmm

The only thing that freak me out about the whole situation is, where did my bloody instinct comes from?