Saturday, April 28
i once heard of a saying, a saying which goes something like-
bad traits are something that is inborn, something that u can't do without, a lot of bad traits are things which you need to survive in this world. its just like a basic instinct that every human or animal have in them. and good traits are the one that is slowly build in you as u grow and learn how to live without the bad ones. i totally agree...
recently i've receive an email from a friend that haven't been in contact for a long time. it seems that people do change.. but when we watch them everyday, its hard to notice how much they change. the friend of mine is in a situation where her courage is lost, facing many many slopes of life. thinking thats the way that she should live all the time, but slowly doubting her own decisions because of the limitations she is facing..
can't help but think, although the facts and events of our life might be different. but don't a lot of people out there come down to feeling this way too? a feeling that ur courage, which have been building up in u day after day and years after years.. can tumble down by a series of bad incidents that happen in one shot.. or maybe tumble down by long tiring effort to hold yourself together from a long never ending unsatisfying routine.
i can't say i have a definite answer to these kind of helpless feelings. and although i haven't really overcome everything in life just with courage alone. i must say we can't live our life without it. of coz i have no right to say "just have courage, and everything will be fine for u." i know that its not something that will come as soon as u need it. sometimes its not there.. especially when u need it to overcome a fall. but i wan to say....
its alright
even among my friends.. its not just me.. and its not just you.. people around me, i've seen them tumble down from falls and getting up again.. "courage is not the absence of fear" heard that before? i have known friend who would climb many many times from the same type of fall. its unbelievable that she is still standing right now but she is. each time she commit the same mistake and fall down again, although i might have predicted the outcome a lot of times, and call her actions stupid before, but i respect her never dieing believes. contradicting way, i have to say she is not that strong of a strong person at the same time. she is not someone that won break when a hammer is thrown on her, neither is her regaining power fast. but she never forgot the importance of building her own courage. sometimes i wonder where did she get all the energy from.. but i realised.. she didn't just pull out her energy for an unknowing force.
again and again, she make shocking decisions but move forward all the time, with doubt, with fear, with courage. and there is still no end to it. no one at such age like mine would say she will have a happy ending from now till forever. i am sure she know that life is not that easy, although not knowing what might be coming, still she have to face it. the limitations she had, she broke thru it. the pain she took, she somehow fill it up bit by bit, and i could say a lot more.. you had to see it to believe it. but seeing how a person go thru all these things take years, while it only take about an hour to type out all these things.
I am not trying to gloat over how hard other people's life might be or better ot worse then yours. but you chose your life to live.. have a courage to make decision.. but not a moment of brave rush. as it will turn ur life upside down before you notice. and even if inevitably you made a moment of brave decision and regretted it. live it still, as you can find a way somehow. thats how that friend of mine had lived.
I believe there is a way out of every bad events. but sometimes people are blinded by their own pain. or some chose to ignore even after seeing the way out because its not what they initially wanted. for that, i have to say. "you can't have the best of both world", treasure what you have.
I am not going to say its easy to treasure what you have. but don stop trying.
i am no saint either, i do feel like giving up sometimes, so this blog is just a reminder for me.. other then hoping that you will think things thru..
my friend, don give up on yourself =^.^=
PS : whoever person i've used as example, don mind i write about it hor, i read my own entry 2 extra times and made sure nothing personal is posted. hee hee. luv u .
